What to do when you're feeling hopeless?

What to do when you’re feeling hopeless?

When lethargy is all you feel?

And pain… and disappointment..

And fear… and anxiety..

So overwhelmingly overwhelming…

What to do when you’re feeling suicidal?

When you feel like you want to end it all?

To just walk away and never look back?

To let the world burn as much you feel burnt…

What to do when you feel all alone?

With what feels like the burden of the world,

Pressing deep into your shoulders…

And pain fills your head and heart…

I don’t know what to do…

I don’t know where to go…

I don’t know who’ll accept me..

I don’t know it all…

And here I am.. 

Writing what I feel..

In hope that maybe somehow I’ll remember…

What to do when you’re feeling hopeless...

I woke up to screaming...

I heard it in my dreams,
A young boy screaming in pain,
I kept on sleeping,
I thought it was just a dream.

I heard it in my dreams,
Suddenly awareness came to me,
I am no longer dreaming,
But the scream continues.

I heard it in in my dreams,
But now awake I hear it loud and clear,
My son is screaming in pain,
Oh the agony of healing.

I heard it in my dream,
Nobody woke me from my slumber,
But waking up to my son screaming,
I wish it was all a dream.

Scattered Mind

My mind is scattered all over the floor,
Lacking focus it could not achieve it's aim,
Lacking strength it could not sustain it's ambition,
Lacking will it just gave up.

My mind is scattered all over the floor,
Again I have failed myself,
Again I have disappointed myself,
Again I have proven my doubts.

My mind is scattered all over the floor,
My most precious resource,
My most precious asset,
My most precious is all over the floor.

My mind is scattered all over the floor,
As I pick it up pieces by pieces,
The wailing images of fear keep on reappearing,
I know it's a trick, because my mind is all over the floor.

My mind is scattered all over the floor,
Goodbye yesterday, there was happy times, but there was also disappointment,
Greetings tomorrow, I hope for better times, but always fear the unseen shadows,
Come with me present, for forever we shall be together.

Drawing a blank

Lonely failure

They say it's lonely at the top,
But it's also so lonely at the bottom,
Scraping by day by day.....

To break the mold

The rich gets richer,
The poor gets poorer,
The fit gets fitter,
The fat gets fatter,
That is momentum of our lives,
That is how we normally live.

But it doesn't have to be that way,
You could turn it around the other way,
You could control the outcome of your life,
But it would be the fight of your life.

It would take a lot of energy,
It would take a lot of effort,
It would cause a lot of grief and anger,
It could be the end of you.

But things won't get better if you don't do it,
Things won't improve if you don't face it,
You have to stand up and completely beat it,
Or it will overcome and completely beat you.

Look for strength in hope and prayer,
Look for support from your progress each day,
You can make it if you stick to it,
And once you've turned it around...

The rich gets richer,
The fit gets fitter,
And you... live the life you deserve...

Same old me

I am sitting here today,
Contemplating my life,
Reading back my own thoughts,
Of years gone past.

I am still here today,
Uninspired and bored as ever,
I wish things could be different,
But still a wish is only a wish.

Now I have 5 kids,
More people who rely on me,
And as ever I feel,
I feel sorry for them.

Oh God would you forgive me?
For all my indulgence and sin,
And being self centered,
And always following my whims.

Oh wife would you ever forgive me?
For neglecting my responsibilities,
My promise to take care of you,
And to make you happy.

Oh kids would you ever forgive me?
For being tired and angry all the time,
And not being able to be your best friend,
And the model you could look up to.

Oh my friends would you ever forgive me?
For failing to fulfill your trust,
And in doing so gave effect,
To your livelihood and happiness.

Oh myself could you forgive me?
For failing to live your dream,
And always being a disappointment,
In absolutely everything.

So many wrongs I have done,
Even though I am nothing,
How big the damage would have been,
If I had been someone.

I'm sorry